19 August 2005

Why Women Think Men are Bastards

It's a relatively simple reason. It's because, below our witty, urbane, noughties exteriors, sometimes not very far, lies the feral, snarling beings from which we evolved. If you can call it evolution.

When we were feral, snarly things, you attracted women by basically being the biggest swine you could possibly be to everyone. The women, who at this point really did only want to have babies, looked at the big swine and thought "Ooh, isn't he snarly! And so very feral. Grrrrrr! He is big and strong.". Then then go over to the big swine, grab him by his feral areas and say "I want you to father my babies!!", to which the big swine thinks "Result!".

Fast forward not very long to nowadays. The feral, snarly things are now swathed in witty, urbane, noughties exteriors and populate wine bars and clubs. The male feral, snarly things revert to type and start being swine again. The female feral, snarly things also revert to type and demand babies.

A middle ground is struck and, as the Noughties requires, a relationship ensues. The female feral, snarly thing decides that living with a big swine of a male feral, snarly thing isn't quite what they'd hoped. They then confide as much to their fellow female feral, snarly things over a chilled Chablis, adding "Why are men such bastards?".

Put succinctly, we'll are still animals under the surface, no matter how much we drape ourselves in Burberry and language and opposable thumbs. Sometimes I think we forget that.

1 comment:

  1. I should probably point out, for clarity's sake, that "Noughties" is th equivalent to Eighties and Nineties, except for 200x. Two of you will have got that, but the other one person will not.