03 November 2005

What's worse than Vampire Bats?

I'll give you three guesses. And it's not something stupid like Vampire Tigers, or Cricket Bats. You'll never guess, so I'll tell you. Rabid Vampire Bats. Hundreds of people in South America are being bitten by rabid vampire bats. They (you know, Them) claim it's due to deforestation.

Picture the scene. It's dark and you're sat on the veranda of your new villa, freshly hewn from the majestic Amazonian rainforest which surrounds you. You take a sip from an iced tea and gaze up into the night sky. You begin to notice small clouds on the face of the Moon. Disturbingly, the clouds, small at first, begin to grow in size. They move with a strange, fluttering motion. As you stare into the night, comprehension dawns. What you are seeing are the foaming jaws of Rabid Vampire Bats! Dropping your iced-tea you race for the screen door and safety! Too late!

As I've blogged before, I am of the opinion that Nature finds a way to counteract Man's destructive influences. Combining two nasty things like Rabies and Vampire Bats to counter deforestation in South America is a master stroke on Nature's part.

Man cuts down the trees, Bats contract Rabies, Bats bite Man, Man can't cut down trees. The article that prompted this post was not specific about the mechanism by which deforestation caused Rabies. However, missing important details like that should not stand in the way of a comedy situation. Maybe deforestation gets to the point where all the Vampire bats have to roost in one tree, and there aren't enough branches, so they all roost on each other. Maybe there is a finite number of bats you can have hanging off you before something snaps and bang! you're rabid.

What's next? Exploding penguins attacking ships due to the melting of the Ross Ice Shelf? The ground work has already been laid for Mad Beavers with TB. There's no telling where Nature will strike next, or how surreal that strike will be.

Basically, the last person to be killed off by Nature will be laughing their ass off.

Added: 15/11/2005

Deforestation slowing - UN

Evidently all those bats are taking their toll on the lumberjackos.

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