22 November 2005

Getting the Brush Off

This is a bit of a departure from the usual high-minded brain farts I come out with, but I'm struggling for material at the moment. Maybe the idiots are staying indoors and out of the news at the moment.

All save two. I'm talking about the two guys outside my office window who are sweeping the roof. Obviously this is a critical maintenance exercise to rid the building of the rampaging concrete-eating plants that infest these climes.

My building has two levels to the roof, one bit above the first floor and smaller bits above the wider ground floor. They have been happily sweeping the higher bit of roof all morning, happily running about with little care for safety lines or the like. Now they're now rather closer to the ground, they've decided that a safety rope is in order.

They are evidently unaware that Ground is potentially more dangerous the further you are away from it. Confusingly, the opposite is true for more traditional dangers, like Tigers, for instance. These guys must have more experience with tigers than with working on rooftops. That's not too much of a leap, is it?

Let's call them Bob and Geoff. Geoff is older and killing time until he can claim disability. Bob is younger and is after an excuse not to be sweeping the roof. They are attached to piece of blue string. From here, the string looks like it would happily reach the ground, somewhat reducing its suitability as a safety rope. In addition, they are both attached to the same piece of string, so when Geoff has a coronary, Bob's joining him on the ground.

I can't see the other end of the rope, but given the approach taken on this side, its probably attached to two other lunatics on the other side. They have radios to keep in contact. The plan appears to be if someone falls off one side, they can get on the radio and someone will jump off the other side to balance it all out.

They're both now trying to work in opposite directions and are looking rather confused why they can't move, despite the fact that they tied themselves together not five minutes ago.

Geoff is using a very small brush, obviously in the hope that bending over and having to work harder will result in a swifter coronary and the attendant incapacity benefit, with the added benefit of taking Bob the Smiling Monkey down with him.

There are no bums in evidence, but Geoff is sporting some very fetching navy blue pants.

Turns out Bob isn't as stupid as he looks. His line is merely clipped over Geoff's line so when he does collapse, Bob will not be dragged screaming to his death, as is Geoff's fervent hope.

Geoff has realise the flaw in his plan and is now trying to brain Bob with his own safety device by flicking the safety line, ostensibly to free it from a snag. A likely story...

Amazing the sub-text one can read into an innocuous situation....

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